Two foreign tourists' stories: Groped and grabbed but still in love with India

In light of the recent gangrape of a tourist of Brazilian-Spanish dual nationality in Jharkhand's Dumka district, two foreign tourists speak to TOI about their experiences of sexual harassment while travelling in India. Excerpts...Beatrice | 43, SwedenI was in Gokarna and I went to a phone booth to call my parents who live in Sweden. This was on my first trip to India back in 2002, and I was 20. I was talking to my mom, and I didn’t realise that the guy running it had shut the door to the store. He had two more friends or associates. When I was in the little booth, they all entered it, circled me and started masturbating. I froze but just kept talking to my mom, because I felt like as long as I was on the phone, they couldn’t do much else. But as the conversation was wrapping up, I began to get more and more scared. Luckily, one of the people I was travelling with had come to make a call too. I managed to signal to him and as soon as he started trying to open the door to the booth, these three guys went away like nothing had happened. It didn’t really dawn on me how dangerous that situation could have been until much later. Nothing like this had happened to me before and I was in shock. We ended up leaving Gokarna early but I was determined to not let it affect my opinion of what it felt like to be in the country.And that is why I have come back to India again and again. I even lived in Delhi for a year and then in Puducherry for three months. There have been many, many instances of sexual harassment in India, going from common fondling on trains and buses to the more serious ones. 108306341Other than the Gokarna experience, the second serious incident happened when I was living in Delhi. At this time, I was much older, I knew how to get around and I had friends and colleagues in the city so I felt more in control. I was going to a dermatologist because I had a bad case of acne and took a tuk-tuk. It’s mid-morning and we’re on a traffic-filled main road in North Delhi. The driver made a stop he wasn’t supposed to make. I was busy on my phone and didn’t think much of it. He picked up another guy and I thought, weird but went back to my phone. Suddenly, the second man jumps to the back seat, by my side. He started fondling me and trying to put his hands between my legs. I was trying to push him away. I thought about screaming but there was loud traffic. So when the auto slowed down at the intersection, I just jumped off.That incident made me really angry; it also changed me. I became a little more aggressive in these situations. My female friends from India also told me that you have to tell them off and show them you’re in charge. So, whenever things happened after that, I would loudly say, ‘arre bhaiya’ and start screaming. 108198286I’ve been reading a lot of commentary on X. There’s a lot of slander of India and ‘oh, we’ll never go there’. It’s important to raise issues of women’s safety but I don’t want to come across as a white woman saying Indians are bad. I’m sceptical of the notion that it’s unsafe for white women. It’s unsafe for women in general. I really like being in India and I miss it very much. I’m planning a trip for next year so I can go to my little spots in Delhi, whether that’s shopping in Lajpat Nagar or buying books at Midland. Actually, the last time I was in Delhi was interesting because I was pregnant and travelling across the city for fieldwork. Nothing happened at all, I still don’t understand why but maybe being pregnant meant I was climbing up the social ladder. I had cravings for watermelon, and I remember walking alone in the evenings to buy it without a care in the world. That’s a lovely memory.Wendy Werneth | 48, RomeI was walking down the street with my husband, but I was the one closest to traffic. Two men came by on a motorcycle, slowed down and one of them reached out and grabbed my breast. They were looking back at me and laughing. I felt so powerless and it was really infuriating. Things like this happened a few times on that trip, particularly in crowded areas when someone would grab me and I would look around but I couldn’t tell who it was. Had I known, I think I would have reacted. But when you don’t know who to accuse, you’re the one who feels helpless.The last time I was in India, I was with a group of vegan bloggers, all women. Nothing like that happened on the trip, thankfully. But there is one memory I think of often. We were in the Bengaluru metro with our Indian guide, who was male. There was a carriage only for women, and some of the people on the trip were surprised and asked about it. We were discussing why that might be necessary and our male guide said something like, ‘Sometimes the women think men are trying to touch them’. The way he said it, you could tell he did not believe women who said that. I already knew very well it happens, because it had happened to me. It was interesting to get a glimpse of the male view of harassment. 108141681I know that there is the danger of sexual harassment or violence but, having said that, I do not want to discourage women from visiting. Travel is a way to learn about other cultures. The world would be a better place if we all travelled more because it’s how we understand each other better. I encourage people to go but they should probably take more precautions than I did. My instinct is to say perhaps you would be safer with a man with you, but I had a man with me. And even in the recent case, there was a man. There’s also the famous Nirbhaya case. It is a good idea to check in with someone regularly and let them know where you are, so if they don’t hear from you, that’s a sign that perhaps something is wrong. I would definitely travel to India again, but I would be aware of safety concerns. I am also aware of the fact that of the around 117 countries I have travelled to, this has happened thrice — in Portugal, India and Pakistan. — As told to Ketaki Desai